Renewing Mercies...A Little Each Day

Go Shawty Its Ya Burthday

2010-01-30T18:13:00.000-07:00

No...it's not my birthday...

In fact...I don't even know anyone who's birthday is today. Not the point though...

I am happy to report that I have lost 6 pounds this year! Yay me! I am also happy to report...oh wait...must share excessive background information...

Just before new year's I noticed a spot in my vision in my right eye. It totally freaked out my very human and somewhat progressively hypocondriacal mind went from retinal detachment...to macular degeneration...to diabetes. Let me tell you, Web MD, did not help me find a "it's probably nothing" option. The first day, I wondered if it'd just go away like hitting CTRL+ALT+DELETE when I went to bed. Yeah, no. The next day I was worried about it, but didn't say anything until something random pushed the gush & cry button and I verbally vomited it all over Court. He's pretty good in those kinds of crises, it's nice. He pretty much said "let's just get through the weekend, we'll take you to an opthamologist on Monday". Sunday, Pastor Brady started talking about healing and miracles and supernaturalness and of course, at the end we rushed down for prayer. Monday I called our insurance company for a list of opthamologists and started making calls and trying to get in...anywhere... After many tests, while without my contacts in and mostly blind, the blurry doctor said it looked as if I'd had a mini stroke in my right eye at some point in the past, it's probably been there a while and I just noticed it, and while it may go away, it was likely related to my high blood pressure and I should see my cardiologist to get checked out. Great. What does that even mean?!?

I made an appointment with the cardiologist...and appointment that I'd been putting off since last April, not because I didn't want to go, but because it costs $50 freaking dollars to go to a specialist. Every month it seemed like something else was more important, and the main reason that she'd wanted me to go back was that she wanted to change my prescriptions after I stopped nursing. At first I couldn't get in until February, but I got a call later in the week that I could get in the next day and after scrambling to find a babysitter for 10AM...I went in to find out what's what.

Not many people I'm sure clap their hands and say "Yay" when their BP is 137/78...but that's a really good number for me and it'd been a super long time since I'd even taken my BP because the monitor I have is retarded and hurts my arm. And then she changed my meds. I've been on at least 4 medications since my pregnancy. One of them only once a day, two of them twice a day and the other 3 times a day. For 2 years, I've been tired, really tired, don't want to get out of bed but Ava's awake and she usually poops first thing in the morning and I hate changing crib sheets tired. So I've been getting up at 7:30 a.m. or so, every morning for 2 years and going back to bed for 2-3 hours when she naps most days. Sundays are almost torture...naptime sometimes doesn't happen and I find myself trying to get a nap in while hearing Ava complain, whine and yell in her room, and yet I force myself to leave her there because SHE needs a rest. I could barely drag myself to the gym. I'd fall asleep in front of the TV. I didn't feel like doing anything, well, I wanted to do stuff, but it seemed like such a hassle. Throw in tendonitis in my right ankle that started last June and makes the thought of going anywhere near WalMart sound like my own personal hell (which it kind of is without all that)...we hardly ever went anywhere. I never thought it was that drug. I mean, all of them had side effects that listed drowsiness and here I was pushing 500 mg of this through my system 3 times a day. Yep, I'm all kinds of stupid...or rather...drugged into a stupor where it didn't even remotely cross my mind. Meth-yl-dopa...really, does it take a genious to figure out that anything with Meth at the beginning and dope at the end might make you completely unproductive?

Finally, because I was petrified into making a change, I'm taking something new, only once a day (in addition to the other three) and I haven't napped in a week. I miss it...but I'm awake...sometimes until 2 a.m. and Tylenol PM calls me. Hopefully not taking it is part of the reason weight is actually coming off, because there's nothing worse than trying to do everything you're supposed to and having nothing happen.

When my little mini me is finished eating her whole wheat english muffin with butter and agave, we are off like a herd of turtles to gas up the car and get thee to the treadmill!

I Think I Can, I Think I Can

2010-01-23T15:04:00.001-07:00

Chugga chugga...chugga chugga...chugga chugga...

We're getting there. Starting to feel better anyway, Ava's almost through her antibiotic cycle and it seems as if I only had a cold, praise God! And thank Jesus for Benadryl! For over a week it's seemed as if I've had mud in my head and just plain felt like crap. I worked out with a trainer on Monday and was so super whiny in my head...I'm sure tons of it oozed out while I was doing all those squats. Ew, that sounded gross.

Any...way... I've been pretty good this week about food and such. It is such a struggle, for many ridiculous and excuse-type reasons. And, while I started this blog early this morning when I was proud of myself, here I sit, after having ingested (inhaled?) a Reeses Sonic Blast with an ungodly amount of calories, rest assured I feel like utter crap. OMG, the surge of sugar in my body is totally gross. I may actually put those blizzardy-type concoctions on the same list as doughnuts. "Things That Make Me Feel Ew."

I'm happy to report that I've lost about 15 pounds since last year at this time. Unfortunately, I think I lost it about 6 months ago and I've just been plateaued (sp?) for the last 6 months. My grandmother and my mother-in-law have both been taking alli and my grandmother has lost about 12 pounds in about 2 months, so there's been a bit of yapping from my mom and Mema hawking these nutriceutical weapons of fat destruction. Long story somewhat shorter...I've gotten the go ahead from my doctor that I can take it, if I want. So, we'll see. I'm not really too keen on taking stuff, but at this point, my self control needs a little hand holding, so I'll take what I can get...literally.

If I weren't such a coward and in so much denial about what I look like, I'd post a before picture. But I am, and I am, and so I won't.

Get Into The Groove

2010-01-15T15:01:00.001-07:00

It's been excessively difficult getting into a groove this week and getting our fannies to the gym.

The week before New Years I started going to the gym every day. It's no secret that we pay too much to go there and it's even more expensive if we don't even go, so that was one factor. The other was finally getting tired of being tired (not enough to have my thyroid checked but anyway), so one way or the other I've dragged myself to the gym 4-5 days a week for 3 weeks now (is that it!?!?).

If we don't get there during the day for whatever reason, I've been going at night. I've felt all kinds of proud of myself because I've gotten up to 15 miles ridden on the bike in 45 minutes. It's more difficult to do it multiple days in a row because that seat makes my butt hurt and not the part I'm trying to melt away!

Part of my Christmas present was four hour-long personal training sssions. So my first workout with a trainer was Tuesday and within the first 5 minutes of the warm up it was obvious that I'd been spinning my wheels and not really accomplishing anything on my own. Why do they even have those bikes? They're worthless, but I still use them because they have their own fans.

Anyway, this week has been difficult. I woke Ava up from a 3-hour nap one day last week and shortly after waking up she was moaning and then while eating her lunch her fingers and her lips were blue. I freaked out a bit and ended up taking her to the doctor. He didn't see anything wrong with her other than some nasal congestion and a fever, but said to keep an eye on her and they'd call and check up on us. She ran a tempurature of about 100-101 for the next 2 days and was weak and wimpy and cuddly for the next 3 or 4. It's such a blur I don't remember if we made it to the gym on Monday, but I know on Saturday I was desperate to go, but it was PACKED! All those people making good on their resolutions and such, plus an area school open house and bring as many guests as you want day...it was a mad house.

Tuesday we were finally back on schedule, or so I thought. My first workout with my trainer was great, left me hobbling around the house for the rest of the day and the following day. What really threw a kink in my grand plans was a cold that Ava's developed. It was probably starting the day we took her in or maybe it's a by-product of this crazy weather we've been having here. Poor baby has been coughing away and her little nose is running and all that means that I can't bring her to the gym with me, so here I am...blogging away...cuz I gots nuthin better to do. At least nothing entertaining.

Although...I did just hear about something that I so want to do. There's a butterfly pavilion in Denver. Doesn't that sound fun? Ava loves butterflies, I think, but I don't want to go alone. Anyone want to come with?

Home For Christmas

2009-12-26T14:56:00.001-07:00

We had a busy month from Thanksgiving to Christmas...comings and goings as everyone else does...and yet most of the back and forth was in my head.

Our Thanksgiving was spent with friends. Asked to bring a vegetable dish (I think I was asked something specific, it's all such a blur!), I tried something new. My first attempt at summer squash cassarole was successful, if not cold by the time it was put on the buffet, but it heated up well and Ava and I had no problem finishing off the leftovers by the following Thursday. I should just determine my contributions to meals based on what Ava will willingly eat over the next week. Somehow though, pasta salad can't just be a standby for everything. Maybe it's just me, but it's not a great side for turkey.

Blended holidays are tricky. Especially for two people with such dramatic differences in family. For mine (we'll leave his past alone), even with arguments and tears, there are few scars (a vaguely remembered tree decorated without me whilst I washed dishes), and more traditions and surprises and things to hold onto. I've released with the necessitity of climate the need for a fresh tree. Between paying too much for what would soon become kindling and then paying to "recycle" it, we should have just set fire to $70 and been done with it. Last year we bought a pre-lit tree and though I am delighted with having to neither water it, nor pay for it every year...to my dismay, I found myself adding colored lights to our white-light tree. The job I'd always delegated to others has now been delegated to me. This year at least I knew it was coming.

I'm not sure exactly when we put the tree up...I've forgotten. It's been up and lighted prior to December 11th...the day Ava and I left for Florida for a mini-Christmas, mini-visit, mega-surprise with my grandparents. We were not the surprise. My mom had plans to visit her sister (and boyfriend), who is also in Florida and strongly suggested that I hop a flight and come down too, but visit my grandparents without them knowing she was around. It was really hard to be in the same state, probably a half-hour away from her for two days before getting to spend a day and a half with her. It did give my grandparents plenty of time with Ava all to themselves. Pepa became Ava's new best friend. She spent most of her time playing with him and following him around, looking for him when he wasn't in the room, trying to find a way through the sliding door while it was closed. Somehow she just couldn't get her feet through. It was a nice weekend, a short visit, great warm weather and swimming in the pool, especially since we left 10-20 degree weather behind, but we did have to trade it for excessive humidity. Ava's hair was wet and sweaty the whole time and apparently she has curly hair, but you wouldn't know it living here.

Christmas was spent here, in our home, just us. Court bought "me" a 42-inch flat screen TV early this month as a Christmas gift. In my mind I would have preferred to get it yesterday instead of a month ago, but there were other factors involved. We had decided to give our old TV, DVD player and entertainment center to one of the interns that Court works with and there was an unspoken timeline. Court's mom gave us the money she was planning to use to buy gifts for the two of us and we bought a love seat and ottoman and the TV cabinet (with some of the funds being padded by the sale of our old couch). They were delivered two days later and the TV the day after that.

Court got a new laptop for work...the holy grail of laptops for him anyway...and it was delivered (he picked it up from FedEx) on Christmas Eve, there was no better gift for him, unless he wasn't paying for it. So with the exception of a pair of sunglasses for me (that I LOVE) under the tree, all the gifts under the tree were for Miss Ava, and really it's as it should be...not that I'm willing to do like that again next year.

I was a little stressed...we didn't shop for a single thing for Ava until December 23rd, but it only took us 2 hours. Gifts, wrapping, bows, some groceries. It was fine, and for her (from us), around $100. Her favorite toy was a $6 matchbox car. Not an appropriate under 3 toy, I know, but I know the only thing my girl puts in her mouth are those two middle fingers, so I'm not concerned about the wheels being a choking hazard for her. The dog on the other hand...

We spent the day at home, or at least in the neighborhood, had our friends over for Christmas dinner...deep fried turkey (try #3). It'd be nice if the authority that is the internet would get its act together and be consistent. It was delicious though, could have come out 5-8 minutes earlier and thankfully we cooked it 3 minutes less than we'd calculated. It's especially good now in a baggie in the fridge with a little gravy in their to keep it all moist and delicious. Yummy sides of mashed potatoes and stuffing (Stove Top) and green beans...and holiday jello salad...apple crisp and some chocolate mousse pie from the store, enough leftovers to gorge ourselves on for a few days and fall into a sugar coma in time for New Year's and all our resolutions to kick in.

In the aftermath, Ava is a study in using things for the wrong purpose...maybe it's just toddlerhood...I just found her using her new Silly Town as a bench. It does look like quite a comfy seat for those of the mini variety. She's also tried to put the paci from one baby doll into the other's mouth, hit the silly town "people" with her new maracas and brushed her hair with the jingle bell stick. Whataryagonnado?

I wasn't sure when this would turn holy and reflective, but here it is...using something for the wrong purpose... We spend a month...for some many months...and still others the entire year...gearing up for Christmas. Buying the perfect gift, making the perfect cookies, looking perfect..doing the perfect whatever. The perfect Christmas gift has already been given and is so often overlooked. The perfect gift came in the most imperfect setting. I was thinking about Mary the other day, when I was fretting about when we'd finally be able to go shopping for our gifts to Ava. What must she have been thinking as they traveled to Bethlehem for the census? "Oh this man! Why did Joseph not make reservations! Why are we waiting until the last minute? There's no plan!" I highly doubt that mother Mary was a Type A, control freak, I mean, God's no fool...and controlling women do not say "I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said." (Luke 1:38)...Just sayin' you who are Type A among us know this to be true (I'm more of a Type A- myself...maybe B+).

I think Mary was a roll with the punches kinda gal. Donkey ride to Bethlehem while 9 months pregnant "If you say so", might have to camp, "alright"...well, how about a barn that smells like donkey and cow poop..."well, if that's the best we've got, at least there's a roof and a manger for a cradle"

Commercials and morning show segments and Martha Stewart flaunt the possibility of a "perfect" Christmas or excuse me, holiday, "whatever" in our faces and some of us can achieve perfection. Usually it's another that may find your attempts perfect while all you see is where the hot glue globbed in your centerpiece. I for one, rearrange my tree ornaments daily leading up to Christmas because when the lights are off, I see all the holes....and along my banister, I see the tag sticking out of the lighted pine boughs...and the spot where the holly berries fell out of the wreath on the front door. Who cares? Who's seeing it besides me anyway? We seem to spend more time on the outside than we do on the inside and that's the spot where the important someone (Jesus) is looking. The perfect present to mankind is not expecting a perfect present in return, He's expecting a heart of gratitude. He's expecting a yearly (and throughout the year) acknowledgement of the gift He became. Instead He's been passed by, passed over if you will, for the search for the unfullfillable. We watched a lot of Christmas specials this year and there were far too many filled with the worry that "Christmas was ruined" or "Christmas wasn't coming" and many times, by the way, due to inclement weather. If Christmas can be ruined and it's the worst thing ever, then your focus is on the wrong thing...and Christmas can never not come. It's not determined by a Saint and his petting zoo and a sleigh and the predictability of his sweatshop labor. It's not determined by the economy. It's not determined by inconvenient pre-Christmas blizzards, enough baking, whether or not there are cookies and pies baked. Christmas happened. The most important baby that was ever conceived was born and we remember the anniversary of that day (regardless of the actual date). History confirms that He lived and died and lives again and still. He is God and He is King. Rejoice...The King has come, God has come near.

Since You've Been Gone

2009-11-18T13:10:00.000-07:00

Ava, Kai & I are all alone with no Daddy this week...and we've been kinda busy as it turns out.
Court's out of town 'til Friday evening at a Microsoft conference and all us girls are alone. We've had our little outings and jobs to do, so we've not been as bored and lonely as I'd first imagined we'd be, but there's still about 48 hours to go, so who knows where we'll end up.

Ava needed her 2nd flu shot on Monday. I guess when it's the first one ever they make you get 2...whatever, there was no copay so that's fine with me. I'm still wary of the H1N1 shots, I forgot to line up for one at New Life last Friday...I mostly just try to keep Ava out of public places without some sort of barrier, like a carriage cover. In fact, yesterday, at Costco, was the first time in probably 6 months or even more that she went into a store in her carseat. Costco's carriages are too wide for her cover to fit, plus she was sleeping...not that that lasted once I took her out of the car into the blinding sun or drove the carriage over the bumpy nubs near the entrance. Seriously those things can give your kid shaken baby syndrome.

It seems pointless considering we had playgroup at this fun little kid activity place called Lil Biggs where there were tons of kids roaming around touching everything...and Ava is still crawling, so she's touching everywhere their feet have been. But she had fun. Loved the bouncy house, made me nervous. She's so little and 5 year olds are so big! She also took off at one point. I put her down to put on my sweater...looked down and she'd disappeared. She'd only gotten about 40-50 feet away...but dang that girl is fast! When she can walk I'm going to need a harness and a leash!

I've been really lazy about cooking. Maybe I wouldn't go that far. I don't care if I eat leftovers all week, so I made yummy whole wheat pizza with sauted onions and spinach and bacon, on Monday night and bought a grilled chicken salad with dried cherries and goat cheese and walnuts at Target and that took care of two days. I have some pasta that I'd cooked about a month ago, but we didn't end up eating it in the freezer and some ground turkey defrosting in the fridge, so that will take care of another 2+ days (unless it's gross - whole wheat pasta does have its drawbacks). I've been super snacky at night though...pathetic, must be because I'm bored. A sane, rational person would likely go to bed early and take advantage of the quiet, warzone free house...but it's a bit creepy. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've slept now 2 nights in a row straight through until 7:30, without waking up completely (I have briefly seen 4:56am both mornings). I'm actually sleeping...without the aid of Tylenol PM...must be Jesus or something, it couldn't be because I'm sleeping alone. Maybe it's because the fan isn't being blocked halfway through my REM cycle by another body and making it uberhot on my side of the bed. Speaking of which, I have to vacuum that fan because it's grody.

Anyway, that's what's going on here. Can't wait for Court to get back, and next week's Thanksgiving can you believe it?!? I can't. Where has this year gone?

Ohhhhh Scrap!

2009-11-09T18:53:00.000-07:00

Lately there's been way too many things intimidating me...
Scrapbooking is near the top of the list. Losing 100+ pounds (or more...I'd rather not say exactly how much publicly) is at the top, but I don't feel like talking about that now.

Any-way...I've really wanted to scrapbook...but I have had no idea where to start. Plus, I don't exactly have anyplace to do such craftiness. My kitchen table is already a challenge to keep clutter free; and around Ava's birthday time or Halloween...fuggedahboudit. Bits of glitter and fabric and odds and ends of whatever I thought might be cute to add. Those projects have a singular focus, and likely one shopping trip. Adding the likely necessary new bottle of Fabri-Tac is an expense I'll have to justify, but starting all over from scratch with a real, crafty hobby...and one with such neat gadgets and thingys...I'm not quite sure where to begin. I could easily spend $150 on gear and not get a whole lot accomplished.

It looks as though I may have found my answer - Digital Scrapbooking. You still have to buy stuff and you still have to plot things out, but I don't need a cutter. It's kind of a lot of work afterall...you have to download your media and papers and templates and embellishments and stuff, but you get to manipulate all your pics, etc., within the page before printing. I can see myself not really planning ahead enough with my photos and then wanting to do something different with them if I were doing traditional scrapbooking. Not that I don't want to, because I do. Those brads and little flowers and die-cuts and all those wonderful shapes and pretty things. I want them. And I do like the dimensions of traditional scrapbooking...but for now, I'll putz around with this stuff...we'll see how far I get.

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like...

2009-10-30T12:12:00.000-06:00

Halloween? We got quite a bit of snow since Wednesday, not quite what I'd picture for Trick or Treating. Hmmm
I made a personal rule, resolution, whatever last year..."There is no place that I absolutely have to go that requires me to drive in the snow in Colorado Springs." Because of that rule, I don't think I've left the house on my own since Tuesday.

It had snowed here starting Tuesday evening and over the course of two days Colorado in general got up to 30 inches in some places, 18" last I knew in Denver...but here in The Springs at least at our house we got maybe 6 inches, but as I've mentioned before...they don't really plow here...hardly at all. I skidded through too many stop signs in my little world last year to take the chance of killing myself, Ava and likely Kai to chance it. I mean, I guess I may get stir crazy enough to wander out there, but so far not so much.
The great thing about Colorado is that usually immediately after the storm passes, the sun is out and that sun is nice and toasty and starts melting everything, as it has done today. Court wisely gave me the warning this morning that I might not want to venture out quite yet...all that melting leads to big puddles...especially in parking lots. Guess I'll wait until tomorrow for grocery shopping.

I've spent most of this week creating the little extras for Ava's Halloween costume. She's going to be a fairy princess. Her costume is on loan from a family that we go to playgroup with, and I've made her some wings that I'm in love with, but intimidated by the thought of constructing the harness for them. Now she's going to have to wear feetie pajamas under the princess outfit to be able to go outside and trick or treat without catching pneumonia! We may just go visit a few friends and to the mall and do some indoor trick or treating and then spend the night passing out candy at home.

We'll see. I'll post pics of her 2nd Halloween next week hopefully.

What's Goin' On?

2009-10-23T13:10:00.000-06:00

I don't want to leave the house...and not for my usual reasons, you know, like laziness.

I've never really been a "product" person, especially when it comes to my hair. Most often I'll use an anti-frizz cream, but never a silicone based product like Frizz Ease and usually I'll forget to use hairspray and it takes me a good 2-3 years to go through a can. About a month ago, I finally got the last possible ounce of effort out of my Sebastian whatever type spray and had to toss it. Combine this with my new bangs...the reason I likely had hairspray at all to begin with...and now I NEEEEEEDED it. I bought some Aussie stuff at Target and started to use it. Well, this past Sunday morning I had a really bad morning. Not really bad in the grand scheme of things, but in my little world of trying to get out of the house within a reasonable semblance of on time once a week to go to church...I was headed for disaster.

I'm not exactly sure what all transpired before the big event, but I do know I was feeling rushed and pissy and I was pretty close to on schedule when I went to pick up the can of hair spray and aim it at my perfect bangs when... I dropped the can onto my cup of coffee which knocked the whole thing onto the bathroom floor! There was coffee everywhere. The half gone roll of toilet paper sopped up a good portion of the coffee while it hung out in its dispenser, but that didn't even make a dent. Coffee all over the counter, all over the toilet (what wasn't protected by me), the rugs, the cabinets, grrrrr.

After cleaning everything up and getting back on schedule I must have been really super rushed because I somewhere along the line made a colossal mistake that has produced Mt. Vesuvius on my forehead. Somehow I managed to spray hairspray directly onto my forehead and by Sunday afternoon begin to form the biggest zit I've ever had in my whole life right where my bangs used to part.

It...is...horrifying...truly

I am praying that this beast on my head does not scar. It hurts like...there are many things that come to mind some are sacrilegious, some are profane...It hurts like someone knocked me in the head with a ball-peen hammer and I have a red egg on my forehead like on Tom & Jerry. The other day Ava was smacking it and I was about to cry. Yesterday I finally could attack it...somewhat, but of course it's worse today. Please Jesus don't let me need plastic surgery!

If I posted pictures there is no way someone could say "It's not that bad"...Court's comment..."You need to keep that covered with your bangs." Hmm, good thing I've got them, and yet, it's all their fault.

So, if you don't see me for a while, or if you expected to and I just didn't show...that's why...I'm in hiding. I think I may go out and buy some kiddy band-aids to cover this up when I have to go out, because wearing a hat hurts like a m-f-er. I'm not kidding. It's gross.

Enjoy your weekend!

Pat, pat, pat, pat, pat....Blast Off!

2009-10-16T10:04:00.001-06:00

Find the pieces, get the prize, use your ears, use your eyes...SING it with me!

Until Little Einsteins, all classical music had no words...and now, it's strange the words that they have, not sure these were what the great composers were trying to convey when they wrote 'em. ANYWAY...

A little boy was lost for a few hours yesterday only to be found later in his attic...the world is now a-flutter debating whether he was really lost, or the family wanted another 15 minutes of fame. He ruined my nap yesterday because my mother called to find out if I was watching it on the news, afterall he was in Colorado. Um, when do I ever watch the news during the day? I mean, I watch the Today show, but recorded and only the hour that Kathie Lee & Hoda are on. Court watches the NBC Nightly News and seriously they repeat themselves over and over with a different anchor all day... If we're still talking about Michael Jackson, Swine Flu (oops, I mean H1N1), and the hovering state of the economy, they're not really working over there at the networks. A little boy made you run all over Colorado like idiots and made you believe he was missing and he wasn't...dang, I bet that's sucky for you. I feel stupid at least once a day, join the club.

New news around here...Ava's 18 month well baby check up was yesterday...not quite 20 pounds yet. Such a little peanut. 30 inches though. 14.4% BMI....seriously, grown ups would kill for that! I think I'm at 52% or something pathetic like that. She's doing well. Not quite walking, cruising everywhere and over the weekend was taught how to go up the stairs by TT and Daddy....CRAP! Now she's up there 7 times a day. Real mommy-ness has begun...I am the net always ready to catch. Fun fun fun! But isn't she a big girl now! I'm so very proud of her.

Finnegan Begin Again

2009-10-10T11:46:00.005-06:00

We had some drama a couple of weeks ago...and now I'm in the aftermath.

Twice last week our power went out. For the normal family, that just means resetting all your clocks, waking up late for school and maybe missing some stuff that was set to record on the DVR. Not for us. We have a home-based web hosting business and whenever the power goes out we have 15 minutes to get the servers shut down properly so our clients don't lose any data. And sometimes even though you do everything right...computers don't like having to go into time out.

So, even though we did do everything right...one server crashed and we lost data on the hard drive. The back-up had seemed as if it had been performing properly, but it really wasn't and my poor husband spent the bulk of his Wednesday trying to recover what he could, having help from the office for data recovery, both of us on the phone with crabby clients who wanted to know why their websites were down...and very, very stressed out.

I felt awful for him. Luckily there weren't many paying clients who had data on that server (we have 3), but those who were lost almost everything. Projects he had nearly completed are being done all over again. His quest for his new laptop is now behind schedule and he really needs to get it before a business trip to L.A. in November.

Amongst the carnage was my blog. I didn't quite realize how extensive the loss was until today and it's making me sad. I thought it was only the new stuff that was gone...but no, it's everything. Everything that was written before we were married and when I was first falling in love with him. The things I wrote on our wedding day and in the early days of our marriage and when I'd first moved here. The things I wrote when Ava was first born and I couldn't talk to anyone without crying and the only way I could get anything out was to type through my tears. Every stupid mistake, every faded memory...all of it, every word...gone...my heart is gone, lost to cyberspace. I guess I took it for granted that they wouldn't go anywhere, or that they were safe....somewhere.

So now I have to start over...a clean slate...on a laptop that I knocked coffee onto this week, so the keys are sticky. Pick myself up, dust myself off and start over. That's what every day is, right, mercies renewed in the morning?